Sunday, June 25, 2006

terra naomi is sooooo tera laaaa...

Saw this amazing video yesterday, and by today, I've pretty much seen all her videos and audios tht are available on the net, and ALL of them are GOOD!!. Looked for them everywhere, from her blog, her youTube page, her website, her myspace, her brother's website, some indie music website.....everywhere....

Last I checked (hehehe, t'was few minutes ago), she's still unsigned, I wonder what is it that she waiting for? She already has a VERY strong fan base (fans tht would drive 3 hrs to see perform on a regular basis, if tht's not strong, i dunno wht is). Hey, a fan even sang her song at the AI audition, is tht not a good enough testimony of her greatness or what??



You really gotta listen to her songs, she reminds me of the old alanis + a lil' bit of jewel + bits' of joan osborne, she makes great music, writes clever lyrics, yeowww, i gotta listen to her songs again and again and again, my roommate is sooo gonna freak out if i keep doing this tomorrow........


- check out "up here", "i'm happy", "the vicodin song", "say it's possible"....arrgghhh, just chk them all out......

*** jpa potong gaji, then hantar surat accusing me of not paying up, stoooooooop**!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

.....in loving memory....



Mom called last nite.

Mom : Et, ada lagi gambar Poktam?
Me : Ya, apsal? Dia lari ka? (Oh no, not again..)
Mom : ......
Me : Takkan mati kot? Dia mati ke Mak?
Mom : ................. Dia dah takdak, petang tadi. Ayah terpijak....
Me : ............. (suppressing my tears, only to fail miserably..)

That was last nite, and until today, I'm still crying. I 'm crying so hard tht my eyes hurt. I cant believe he's dead. I love him soooooo much. Because of him, I look forward to going back to Kedah.

I still remember the first time I met him. I just got home from the airport. He was so tiny I almost didnt see him, but I could feel something playing with my feet. I looked down and there he was, that cute little fella, the most gregarious kitten i have ever met.

Poktam was never intimidated my man, strangers or familiar faces alike, in fact he loved to play with them. And that was how I spent my whole week in Kedah, playing with him. I loved him so much tht I stole my sister's old jewellery box and turned it into his sleeping place. I even searched the house for the (wht almost became a) muffler that I knitted ages ago to make the box comfortable for him. I loved looking at him curling up in that box. It really made my effort worthwhile. But now that's he's gone, the box is just going to be....empty, just like how I'm feeling...

As I'm sitting here, pouring my heart out, I still cant escape images of him playing, eating, feeding on the milk bottle...capturing my heart. I am angry that my dad drove him over. I really really am, despite knowing that it was an accident and that he's guilt-ridden and been crying as well over Poktam's death. I am sorry for that, but I just cant imagine how my mom is feeling. She must be heart-broken. After all, she was the one who cared for Poktam, who brought him home when he was just 2 weeks old, who fed him everyday, who taught him tricks, who made him a bed to sleep in, and just yesterday morning, bought a kilo of fish especially for him. She said, fresh fish would give him beautiful glorious soft fluffy hair. Had it not been for her, Poktam would've just died an orphan.....it must've taken her the strength of Hercules to bury him yesterday... i dont think i could ever do the job, heck, even my dad couldnt bear to do it.

I miss Poktam, i still do. I looked at his pictures almost everyday since i got back in KL. Showed his pictures to all my friends. Even texted my mom to know how he was doing. Now, i cant even bear the thought that he wouldnt be there to greet me when I go home. I know I complained to mom that this little kitten was gonna grow up looking like an evil Mafia, with his crooked whiskers and white eyebrows (?), but honestly, better a Mafia cat than a dead kitten anyday.

I never knew that i'd be capable of loving an animal this much. Before Poktam, I never really cared for cats, but he changed me. Heck, he single-handedly changed our whole family. When he got sick, all of us worried for him. When he went missing, we'd be scrambling to our feet looking for him. When he died, all of us cried.

I didnt really know much abt cats, i suppose he's considered normal. But for me he was the cutest, friendliest, most intelligent, obedient, endearing kitten I've even known. Sure, he wasnt a persian or a siamese, and he was so small his steps wasnt fully refined causing him to trip all over the place. But like human, it's not the appearance that matters, it's the personality....his extraordinary character (for me, at least) that is irreplaceable.

I remember that one time when my sister stuck out her head in front of him, i expected him to scratch at her, or maybe try to feel her face with his feet, instead, he stuck out his head to match my sister's. That moment i almost felt jealous at my sister for getting him to react like that. ...kinda stupid, huh?

Gosh, i miss him...i miss him so much. he was only months old. still had a lot more tricks to learn, last i saw him, he still didnt really know how to clean himself up, cant blame him though, he only knew my mom as a mother....but i guess, it's probably fate that he died young for he might not make it as an adult cat with us as his mentors....But i still miss him soooo much. I really hope he knew that we loved him, and that he didnt regret staying with us for as long as he did....Thank you, Poktam for teaching us so much about cats... i shall miss those time when you kept me company every evening, the soft fur i stroked those nights when you fell asleep on my lap, those cute circus tricks that you played to get our attentions....

Thank you Poktam so much for choosing to spend your time here on earth with us. I hope God has placed you in heaven, I heard tht's where babies are, and you were still a baby when you left. Forgive me if I hurt you in any way...i hope we'd meet again someday, and if we do, I hope you'd still remember me.




Jawa : Thanks for being there. i didnt know who else would understand... those i contacted didnt respond....others, dont think can even relate. Nita, thought of telling her abt him, but he died b4 i even get to meet her..... tried to sleep it off, guess it didnt work....i dont know wht else 2 do....anyways, my point is, thanks for sharing your experience, at least i know i'm not alone.